memory loss

I am the kind of person who forgives and forgets and that is not because of my greatness but because of my nature (problem?) of forgetting things. I can’t hold a grudge against someone because I simply forget what the person had done and how I had felt at that time. I can have the same discussion over and over again (over months that is, it’s not a medical problem, I assure you). I can have the same realizations without realizing that I have had those realizations before. I don’t miss things or people because I don’t remember what I am missing. This characteristic has its own set of pros and cons. I can believe again, in a person who had tricked me: con. I don’t miss people, makes settling in new places much easier: pro.

 Whatever it is, a pro or a con, a boon or a bane, it is here to stay and is a part of my being. Period! 

the "Routine-iac"

I follow my routine religiously. I need to eat on time, sleep on time, jog on time, chill on time and only then does my mind and body function how it should function. But for two days straight I have messed with my routine. And no this is not an article which will say how I have come to enjoy the spontaneity of being routine-less and now know the joys of a fun life. It is instead a reaffirmation about how I love my routine. How I love when my body works smoothly, how I love to have things in order, how I absolutely love to eat on time instead of when I am hungry (eventually you are conditioned to feel hungry at that time, so no, I am not killing myself over the routine). My routine brings a rhythm to my life and like to float with that rhythm. And as my dearest Khushwant Singh has rightly said, “One should be a slave to their routine”, and I just couldn’t agree more.

So now here we have, a grumpy old woman, sitting with her shoulders slouched and a frown on her face, with no idea what she should do next because the ‘routine-iac’ inside her became a slacker today. Hmph!        

The pro-BJP League

At the forefront I would like to clearly state for my readers that I am a BJP supporter. I only began my UPSC (the great Indian government exam) preparation when the BJP came to power and since I am substantially aware about the details of their various policies and their stand on various national and international issues, I think I have enough reasons to back their play. So there, one thing sorted.

Getting down to business, the BJP plan as I fathom it to be, has sound reasoning. The two primary agendas of Mr Modi’s international travels are one, to get military support and second and the most important, to get money flowing into the Indian economy. 

If we look at the larger picture we would understand that what India needs at this point is a manufacturing boom. With the population increasing, the “demographic dividend” will soon enough turn into a demographic disaster if the young and energised youth of this country don’t have jobs available. The Indian economy took a jump from the primary to the tertiary or the services sector and it has unfortunately not opened as much space for people to be employed. Thus the need of the hour is for India to become a manufacturing hub (read make as many industries as possible), like China, so as to make employment opportunities and also shift the burden away from the primary or farming sector.

Thus all the money that Modi is trying to bring is majorly for this purpose. The ease of doing business, the make in India campaign, the GST reformation, the land acquisition bill etc. are all efforts towards achieving this end. So we could cut the guy some slack for jumping from one country to the other. Also I wonder about the wrecked body clock this man would have to live with.

However, I am not blindsided by my love for the government and for its ambitious and good plans. This manufacturing revolution will take time to come, nearly a decade, so until then, the suit boot ki Sarkar will also have to cater to the farmers who tend to be side-lined to a certain extent.

Next up is the burning issue of INTOLERANCE. Well the instances we hear are extremely unfortunate. Also I was alarmed to see a particular image in the newspaper where a person’s face was blackened with ink in a medical institution where the victim and the 2 doers were in the centre of a field and were surrounded by 100s of students. It appeared to be case of blatant arrogance and gunda raaj where the 2 men did not fear the huge crowd.

Even though such cases are on the rise and are unfortunate I feel that blaming the prime minister in particular is wrong. But I do feel that there is a paranoia surrounding the PM and the BJP in general regarding their rightist leanings. The communal violence is still fresh, it seems, in people’s minds and it is very important for the government to make a new image in the minds of the public at large. Either an alternate image or deleting the pre formed image are the two options, and the choice has to be made followed by action. If not, then this issue will bring the government down in the years to come.      

Hollow Arrogance

Lately I feel that I am better than most people in most things. Be it academics, co-curricular activities or the likes of it. And equipped with my new knowledge gained in the process for preparing for a public exam, I feel my views are more nuanced and backed by substantial information. I also feel that if I set out to do anything currently, I would do well in the field.

 I recently participated in a dance competition at the very last minute, owing to a mood swing. I knew I could do it and believed that I would do better than most participants if not all. The very first day of my rehearsals and there I was, face to face with reality. I couldn’t remember the steps, and when I could, I couldn’t do them right. It seemed a big mistake. I had overestimated my potential, but eventually, everything fell in place and I managed to sail through.

I know I am wrong. I know I am not the best at anything. But unfortunately I can’t correct my behaviour based on theory only. I need to be proved wrong. And the aforementioned incident is just one example. My self-inflation has made me judgemental and angry in stark contrast to my extremely understanding self. But despite all this self-awareness I am stuck. I will change when the time is right. Until then, this hollow arrogance is here to stay.   

of obligations and formalities

So Diwali is here; meeting people, eating sweets and niceties are the order of the day. But how far can you go to abide by niceties. Also I personally have always been averse to obligations and formalities. I often fail to satisfy others need for social conventions and people often fail to consider my sensitivity.
 For example when my aunt's dog died, whom she was very close to, I didn't give my condolences because on our very active family group everybody wished her, and by everybody I mean nearly 20 people. I didn't say anything because I didn't think my condolences would make any difference, I didn't think that it would comfort her or make her feel any better. Also I didn't know that she would even notice that I haven't said a thing, but apparently she did. And even told me how it was wrong of me to do that. I honestly apologized.
Then another day a cousin asked me to take a night suit which belonged to her. But I quit wearing night suits a while back and my current place is quite small to accomodate things, let alone things that I don't want. Hence I as politely as possible, declined. But that didn't suit her.
So in these scenarios I wonder what I should do. Just do something because the other wants it to be done or stick to what I think is right. What if what I think is right offends people? How many people do I offend before realizing that if everything is against you maybe you are in the wrong path? How long do I dwell in this dilemma?
Also conversely when I expect others to do something for me, they conveniently refuse. Excuses or even valid reasons they may have but at the end of the day it only ends up hurting me.
Can we really ever get out of this rut of doing and not doing things for each other? I guess not!   

Rising from the ashes

It is weird how situations pan out in our lives. Despite knowing exactly how I want and what I want in my life, the path to reach it sometimes becomes so tumultuous that disillusionment fogs the better part of my thought. And this disillusionment is so appalling to a person of my nature because it is absolutely contrary to my being. A person who has a plan for a every little thing finds it impossible to cope with. The big question then is -What to do?
For me the answer is always talk to someone. If I sit and think about issues and try to figure them out, it is absolutely useless, I come up with shit. On the other hand the other person's wisdom, without even directly addressing my issues, somehow manages to shed light on the possible way out. And so there I had him, my knight in shining armour, my dear friend!