Hollow Arrogance

Lately I feel that I am better than most people in most things. Be it academics, co-curricular activities or the likes of it. And equipped with my new knowledge gained in the process for preparing for a public exam, I feel my views are more nuanced and backed by substantial information. I also feel that if I set out to do anything currently, I would do well in the field.

 I recently participated in a dance competition at the very last minute, owing to a mood swing. I knew I could do it and believed that I would do better than most participants if not all. The very first day of my rehearsals and there I was, face to face with reality. I couldn’t remember the steps, and when I could, I couldn’t do them right. It seemed a big mistake. I had overestimated my potential, but eventually, everything fell in place and I managed to sail through.

I know I am wrong. I know I am not the best at anything. But unfortunately I can’t correct my behaviour based on theory only. I need to be proved wrong. And the aforementioned incident is just one example. My self-inflation has made me judgemental and angry in stark contrast to my extremely understanding self. But despite all this self-awareness I am stuck. I will change when the time is right. Until then, this hollow arrogance is here to stay.